Emoji Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Rick is sick of millenials expressing themselves through vague pixelated icons and does something about it


Rick is walking by drinking and sees Summer slouched on the couch texting some boy. He wipes his mouth.

"(belch)...Thotting it up eh Summer? You...you planning another failed teenage relationship? You you gonna get pregnant and guilt grandpa to driving you down to the abortion clinic while the love of your life bails?"

"Grandpa your cynicism is falling on deaf ears...this is the real deal love. Something you've never felt clearly!"

"Oh (belch) a stupid little teenager thinks she knows what love is vs literally the smartest man in the universe...universes..."

"Look grandpa..." She shows her messages

"Wha...what am I looking at Summer?"

"I told him Id love to see him at the aquarium and he gave a winky emoji with a tongue sticking out."

"What does that even mean? (belch) like...isnt that a joke emoji? Does it mean he's happy? These emojiis are makiny your generation autistic Summer. You...you dont even feel real emotions. You just wait for the acknowledgement of others and have these vague icons to reflect positive or negative connotations with no substance or nuance. I mean for God's sakes I'm talking to you right now and by the tone, the wording, and the formality of my dialogue you should understand my emotional wavelength...but you dont (belch) cause you're dumb Summer. And these emojiis are making you dumber!"

"Look! Two hearts!"

Rick grabs the phone and his thumbs go wild.

"What are you doing grandpa?!"

He shoves it back into her hands.

"There...ive forced an actual human interaction between you and your bae"

Rick sent her boyfriend a series of random emojiis ranging from vomiting, hearts, skulls, candles, and rocket ships.

The boyfriend texts back that all these strange usages of emojiis confuse him and rather than explore his own personal feelings or try and converse with her more personally to better understand what she meant its probably best they see other people.

Summer begins to sob and Rick crosses his arms even more annoyed.

"Great...now I have this to deal with. Hold on let me try again."

Rick takes her phone and texts Beth and Morty three rocketships and a candle. Beth and Morty come running into the living room.

First Morty

"Summer...wha what the hell does this mean? Do you...do you want to blast me into the sun?"

"What?! No! Grandpa..."

"Summer I have no idea what any of this means but Im pretty sure its sass and worth grounding you over!"

"It's Rick you guys! Rick just hates me and wants to ruin my life!"

"(belch)..."

Morty blinks a bit

"Oh...well well that doesnt surprise me. He gets like that sometimes."

"Sorry for doubting you honey."

"Are all of you fucking bonkers?! They're just meaningless emojiis! Actually have a God damn conversation! You have The Skype! Use the Skype and look at eachothers faces and get some semblance of what they're really thinking and expressing!"

Beth raises her eyebrow

"Did you just say THE Skype? wow dad...youre old."

"I swear to God Beth...I love you but I will disintrgrate you and reassemble you subatomically back to about 2005 when I was still slightly proud of you."

"Geez Rick...you know. You you just gotta get with the times is all! E...emojiis is just how we speed up a conversation is all."

"What conversation?! It seems every opportunity you can you want to avoid feeling anything. Thats why you watch kitty cat videos instead of Breitbart. Thats why you report posts you dont like. Thats why you avoid existential questions...you BARELY want to feel joy or fulfillment. Let alone sadness, regret, or anger...you are the most emotionally stunted and devoid of deeper thought generation I have ever seen. And I endured the 60s where everyone was on PCP! But I can crack this nut..."

With Summer's cellphone he texts world leaders. He texts Kim Jong Un two candles. Which he interprets as launch the nukes from one his generals. He texts Queen Elizabeth two candles as well. She interprets this as the illuminati's signal to do the ritual. So she goes into dark room and taps a sigil with a staff and a giant winged demon roars and flies out of the sigil breaking through a window.

He texts Donald Trump three smiley with halos. Which Trump thinks is Baron asking for a McRib.

As Trump squints his eyes to read it missiles are flying by the window as is the giant demon.

He texts Duterte a taco and Duterte's lip quivers.

"He's right...at some point I lost my way. I...I just wanted to make this world a better place. But ive become a monster. FORGIVE ME MOTHER!!!"

Duterte slowly puts a pill in his mouth as his hand shakes. He chews

"This isnt cyanide...its a Flinstones vitamin. Wow killing those drug addicts really didnt do shit to help the economy."

"I think those are seasonal but screw it! Im the president and I can make that happen!"

Back to the Sanchez family Rick throws the phone at Summer to catch.

Her phone gives her a breaking news update that McRibs and Shamrock Shakes are now part of the normal McDonalds menu.

"See kids? (belch) if you just press people's buttons hard enough and force a legit conversation...things turn out for the better."


End file.
